martyric | STATION 72 » mental link

( damon's given her a day. that's generous, he feels; with the amount of trouble she attracts, that he feels they're safe enough that he's willing to give her space for even a day is near miraculous. it helps that he can feel her in his head, that he has a corner of his own thoughts set aside and dedicated just to keeping tabs on her. being able to feel that she's safe goes a long way toward easing his paranoia whenever she's out of his sight. they do have to talk, though, and sooner rather than later.

he reaches out to her through the link, first, brushing his mind against hers. he doesn't say anything through it, but the feeling she gets is both a question and a statement of purpose, a vague where are you? and i'm coming to find you. whatever her response, he'll follow her scent and the trail of her mind until he finds her.

he has her necklace in his pocket. it feels somehow lighter than it had before. )

You ready for our talk?

( a day is more than she expected, honestly. the only problem is that so much has changed it feels like a week. and at the same time, it feels like no time has passed at all. long story short, elena doesn't think she'll ever be rid of this headache. still, she asked for space and he gave it, so she doesn't try to shield herself at all when she finally recognises the feeling of damon coaxing out her particular signature amongst the mess of messages still trying to flood their system.

( she's not entirely sure that she could even if she wanted to -- she's far too open, too emotive, too much to successfully set mental barriers up yet -- but that's beside the point. there's acceptance in the way she allows him to find her. )

when she hears damon's voice ( out loud, it shouldn't be jarring but it is ) elena steels herself, and she wouldn't be surprised if he could literally feel it as she braces herself. this is going to be a difficult conversation to get through, she can feel it already. )

Will I ever be?

( she asks, but it's mostly sarcastic. there's even a suggestion of a quirk to the corner of her lips. that's got to be a good sign, right? except it's followed up with her fingers raking through her hair, and it isn't until her palm sits at the top of her head that she looks closely at damon and sighs. )

I am trying. To trust you. Caroline had bites all over her the last time I saw you, and then I found out about you and Stefan, and it just-- ( elena purses her lips, stops abruptly, and folds her arms. that is the opposite of trying, and besides he said he'd tell her about this apparent missing year.

it could be a lie, of course, but why then would damon have been so familiar with her, so immediately surprised, so disappointed at her reaction to him?

she has to try. )

Okay. Sorry, okay. I'm ready.

( tuned into her as he is, damon does feel her steel herself — it's like a deep breath in, shoulders back feeling, and it's accompanied by a face he knows well. it's elena's "i'm not prepared for this but it's going to happen anyway, so let's deal with it" face. if he thought she could make it without them having this conversation as soon as possible, he'd leave it just because of that — he hates that face, and hates being the cause of it even more — but these are things she needs to know.

more than that, he needs her to trust him, for her sake and his own. she won't trust him if she doesn't know anything. )

Probably not, ( he says in reply — she'll never be ready to learn about vampires, about being adopted, about being a doppelganger... it's so much to explain. too much. they're going to have to space it all out, to give her time to digest the new information before she has to deal with anything else.

the reminder of caroline, the condition she was in last time elena would have seen her, makes his stomach twist in a way that might be palpable to elena, if she's paying close enough attention to him. he's avoided thinking about what he did to her when he first came to town, and thereby avoided having any feelings about it, but that doesn't mean he doesn't know.

if he thought about it, it might be among the top five shittiest things he's ever done. )

I'll explain whatever you want to know about, Elena. There's a lot to cover, so I won't tell you everything in one conversation, but eventually, you'll know what I know — mostly.

( he crosses his arms, squaring his shoulders in preparation — she's going to disagree with this, he knows, but he won't back down. )

I'm going to be completely honest with you. I'll tell you what vampires are, what vampire trivia you know is fact and what's fiction, and I'll tell you about Mystic Falls and my and Stefan's history and the Founders, your family, all of it.

I'm not going to tell you everything I know about your future. A lot of it sucks, and you don't need to know about it.

( he's right, she doesn't like the sound of that. immediately elena feels her defences rise, feels irritation twisting in her throat, and it's only this that catches the words in her throat. maybe it's a blessing that her knee jerk frustration actually keeps her from spitting out the first angry comment that comes to mind. it's not that she thinks he wouldn't tell her, but that she has to be able to appear as if she can handle this.

hair-trigger anger isn't 'handling this'. )

I'm not okay with that, ( she starts, but it's careful. she's deliberately trying to stay reasonable about this, despite just how unreasonable everything about their situation really is. ) but. But that's fine...for now.

( it's not exactly a refined negotiation attempt, but elena can't help but feel like from her side of things she's being remarkably reasonable. she'd been so angry with him only a few days ago, so angry with the both of them only yesterday, but it's hard to keep that straight. it's not just the mental link, not just his feelings of friendship and warmth filtering through to her. it's the fear of being here alone, it's a familiar face, no matter how scary that face might be. )

Alright, Damon. What do I need to know about vampires? What- ( her voices catches again. she hasn't said it before, not to him. hell, she's only even said it out loud with the weight of belief attached once. elena's spine straightens, chin tips slightly to look damon directly in the eyes. she can handle this )

What do I need to know about you?

( that's his girl. the corner of damon's lips twitches up in a smirk, amused as he is by how easy she is to predict, but he sobers almost immediately. she'd only be offended by his amusement, she couldn't understand that it comes from knowing her so well, and being so overwhelmingly fond of her, even in her most frustratingly stubborn moments. he can work on building their friendship back up once there's a more solid foundation for him to build up from. )

Most of what you know from fiction is bullshit. Forget the Buffy, forget Twilight, forget Anne Rice. Especially forget Twilight. The other two got way more than that moron did.

Vampires drink blood. Human blood is best, but animal will do in a pinch. We burn in the sun, we don't sparkle, but Stefan and I have rings ( he holds up his hand and wiggles his fingers, showing off his daylight ring, ) that protect us. A stake to the heart will kill us, but there's not a lot else that will. We're immortal, and we get stronger the older we get. I'm 173, Stefan's 164.

With me so far?

( he has every confidence she is — elena is a smart girl, especially when confronted with the supernatural. she took to it like a fish to water, all those months ago — no matter how out of her depth she felt, it was only a couple weeks before she was stabbing vampires with pencils and making improvised stakes. she's strong, certainly stronger than stefan's ever given her credit for, and handling her with kiddie gloves has never been necessary.

that doesn't mean, though, that she won't be overwhelmed at first. it's difficult to go from a skeptic to a believer in normal conditions, and with space telepathy in the mix it's going to be a lot to take in, and he's not even done yet.

the necklace sits in his pocket, a persistent weight, taunting him — he doesn't have to give it back to her. he would never compel her, so it won't serve its original purpose. she doesn't even need to know that compulsion is possible, he doesn't have to tell her. no one else knows it's possible, no one else from home is even here. how would she know he was keeping anything from her? he doesn't have to give stefan back to her like this. it would be so easy not to. )

( it's certainly a lot to take in, she can't deny this. she's only just beginning to broach the possibility of the world being stranger than she could ever have imagined, so much bigger than she's ever known. it's entirely understandable for elena to struggle with the sheer amount of information damon is giving her -- but honestly, she really doesn't have the luxury of an "adjustment period", if there could even ever be enough time to consider this normal.

normal is relative when you've ended up in some bizarre space station with psychic links, anyway.

she waits until he's finished to nod though, a reserved expression on her face. it won't do much in the way of masking how she's taking all of this, even if there wasn't a mental connection filtering information between them all damon is hardly a stupid person, whatever else she might think about him. he has to know that this is a lot. )

There aren't any animals here. ( at least, she assumes as much. when the words are finally said they're incredibly carefully chosen, and she brings a hand up to rub lightly at the side of her head. elena is fairly confident that vampire 101 isn't the sole cause for the lingering headache, but she's also pretty sure all of this isn't helping, either. ) Are you going to just start killing people?

( and that's said with more of a barb, accusation lingering in her voice as she stares at him. it's harder to hate damon when he's clearly trying so hard to put her at ease, but she can't just let all of that go. it's just going to take a little more work to retain her resentment, clearly. )

Edited (wording moop) 2017-02-23 12:26 (UTC)

( it's a fair accusation — and, honestly, one that wouldn't have been all that inaccurate, ten months ago. it's hard to remember back to that time, now that everything feels so different, but ten months ago, he wouldn't have been above killing everyone on this station to sate his hunger.

or, well. almost everyone. )

If I did that I'd run out of food eventually, ( he points out, smile tight. it'd be a joke if this were the elena who knew him, who understands that his jokes may be tasteless but they are just jokes. now, with the elena of so long ago, it's just a statement of fact. if he kills the people here, he'll end up without anything to eat. his other option, though...

his other option she's not going to like either. )

We have a thing we can do, we call it compulsion. I can make anyone do anything I want. I could make the people here slice open their own wrists for me, and forget it after it was done.

( there's a pause after that, the necklace practically burning a hole in his pocket. he doesn't have to tell her. he doesn't have to say anything. this could be so simple. )

It's what I did to Caroline. It's also why Stefan gave you this.

( he pulls the necklace out of his pocket, dangling it in front of elena.

if he wins her, if he even has a shot, it has to be fair. she has to know everything. stefan deserves that much. )

( compulsion. there's a brief surge of fury -- at him, of course, but not just damon, at vampires, at the cruelty of an ability like that, at how he's used it -- but she bites the side of her tongue and does a damn good job of controlling it. not good enough, but there's hardly a person in the world who would manage to successfully mask that kind of a feeling from a place this invasive.

but it's just not helpful, as much as it kills her to admit it. she's not going to get anywhere by getting angry at damon every time he offers up these pieces of honesty, no matter how badly it portrays him. that at least she should be thankful for, and she is. mostly. )

The necklace.

( she touches the spot just under her collarbones when he pulls out the necklace. her feelings on stefan are complicated right now. they're always complicated, but with the recent revelations she's rethinking everything. but the necklace, her necklace... it still means something.

not what it will one day, of course, but something. )

I must have lost it... when I was coming here, I didn't even think- ( she frowns, and her eyes narrow slightly as she reaches out to take it. ) So this...stops you, from doing that? Is it...magic?

( it feels stupid just saying that, but this is where her life is right now. magic. )

( the anger that he feels come from elena is as predictable as it is terrible. he remembers her reaction when she'd discovered caroline's bite marks, that brief thaw in her anger at him that was utterly destroyed by the sight of her friend in pain, and the knowledge that it was his fault. she'd known before then that he was a manipulative asshole, but caroline had seemed okay. elena could handle herself in the middle of him and stefan, but bringing caroline into it was where she would draw the line. he hadn't expected to care so much, when he started using the ditzy blonde third wheel in elena's trio, but he has the distance to admit now that his attempt to kill her was really just punishment for the setback with elena.

that they're back to that moment, as far as elena's concerned... it's frustrating. but he's going to do things right this time. he cares this time, after all she fought for him to do it. it sucks more often than it doesn't, but at least now it has a use. )

The necklace is just a necklace. It's what he put in it.

( carefully, damon snaps open the locket, revealing the vervain within. he brushes his thumb over the sprigs gently, just to show her, and hisses as his flesh sizzles. )

Vervain. It's toxic to us, and if a human wears it, we can't compel them. Stefan gave it to you to keep me out of your head.

( it's not a danger anymore — he wants them to be real, whatever her opinion of him is — but he drops the re-closed necklace in her hand anyway. her trust is what matters. if she thinks she needs vervain to keep him out of her head, then she can have it. )

( that's actually infinitely preferable to magic necklaces. there is of course the rings, which presumably must be magical jewellery, but she's not going to deal with that just yet. priorities, after all. fancy rings are the least of her concerns right now. the immediate reaction to damon's contact with the herb makes her flinch momentarily, the reaction entirely unexpected to her, and even as her hand closes around the necklace she's filing that information away pointedly.

it might be unlikely that damon will harm her -- hell, he didn't have to give the necklace back, or even tell her that he can do any of this -- but elena's still going to err on the side of caution for now.

she slips the necklace into her back pocket for the time being. whether or not she puts it on later is still up for debate, but it feels just a little too much like she's throwing the honestly back in his face to put it on right now. )

Have you done that to me, then? Compelled me?

( she's never asked that before. he's not sure what he would have said if she did — honesty wouldn't have been such an important thing, then. he could have afforded not to tell her. he could still lie here. )

Yes.

( now... he can't quite predict how she'll react to this. anger, certainly, that's a given. but everyone's done their damnedest to keep her from being compelled at home. he's never had to see how she feels about it applied to herself. )

Twice. Only once that you would remember, though.

( a year ago, he met a girl who looked like katherine, and it gave his humanity a harsh jolt into the on position. he'd struggled with it before — lexi's whole thing about katherine back in the seventies was more effective than he'd ever tell her — but seeing katherine's face... it really flipped the switch. not hard enough to last, or to make him do much different... but hard enough that he left her alive. hard enough that he held onto the memory of her for months.

he's thought about giving her the memory back so many times, but it seemed pointless. when it would have mattered, she wore the necklace religiously, and by now, she's too attached to stefan for it to change anything. it's a memory that only belongs to him, now. )

( honestly, elena really doesn't know how to feel about his answer.

the obvious response would be more anger, but maybe the fact that she has already been angry at damon for so much of this conversation has worn her down. maybe it's just hard to feel angry about a violation that she can't remember. maybe on the scale of things she's learned today, this is the least offensive.

maybe she's just a little tired.

either way elena just frowns, letting damon sit with his confession in silence for a moment or two as she tries to sort through her emotions. it's more complicated than she'd like to admit. )

So the second time, it was in those ten months that I...don't remember? ( maybe that's why she's not as angry as she'd have expected, there's already apparently so much missing, what's another moment? ) When was the first?

( he watches her as she works through her emotions, paying close attention to each little nuance of her shifting expressions. he could probably muscle into her head and feel it out with her, if he wanted to — elena gilbert is not one known for having closed off emotions, and she's so distracted she might not even notice he was there, if he tried to be sneaky about it. but her mind is her own, and he has left it as such since the last time he compelled her. whatever he does now, it has to be with her permission.

her response, understated and calm as it is, is not what he was expecting. more anger, certainly, more accusations, not... this. this acceptance and curiosity.

she'll never stop surprising him. )

Yeah. ( the second time hurts just to think about, so he hasn't. with her bringing it up now, though, he can't help but think of it — the anguish of knowing he was never going to deserve the one thing he wants, the sick selfishness of wanting her to know anyway — and through the link she might hear her own voice say damon, don't go there before he brushes past it. )

The first... ( for the first time, he hesitates. he was comfortable with this knowledge only being his. he knows what their dynamic is right now, and can move accordingly around her. elena is predictable, without this memory. he doesn't know how knowing they met first will affect them — if it even will at all.

thinking that it will is giving himself too much credit. nothing will change. )

The first was before your parents died.

LOSS the sad little girl who lost her parents	DEVOTION
GUILT	DROWNING my parents died going over this bridge i almost died

day 011 » are you strong enough to stand protecting both your heart and mine?

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day 020 » baby i need a friend, but i'm a vampire smile, you'll meet a sticky end.

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